Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
