Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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