I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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