I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I smell stomach acid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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