Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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