Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
