is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
