I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
