God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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