I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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