they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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