WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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