i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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