One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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