If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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