At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
