Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
