We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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