He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
