just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
