Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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