Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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