i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
