Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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