You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
