Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
