She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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