this boner is exhausting
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
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