It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
