so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
