capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
