Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
