Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Holy sore nipples Batman
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
