Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
