After last night, I could never be a politician.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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