why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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