Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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