when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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