She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
