He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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