I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
