Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
