She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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