Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
