Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's just like the Real World with babies
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
