my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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