Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.

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(253): View more from Washington

To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song

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(618): View more from Illinois

he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!

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(813): View more from Florida

You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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(714): View more from California

I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?

(1-714): View more from California

Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious

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(631): View more from New York

I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it

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(845): View more from New York

I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?

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