ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
