I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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