Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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